| The Joke Page page 2 |
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| We do not claim to have written these jokes. They have been taken from the emails that have been sent to us. |
Husbands are less expensive to shoe than horses.
Feeding a husband doesn't require anything that even mildly compares
with the hassle of putting up hay
A lame husband can still work
A husband with a bellyache doesn't have to be walked
Husbands don't try to scratch their heads on your back
They are better able to understand puns
If they are playing hard to catch, you **may** be able to run them down
on foot
They know their name
They usually pay their own bills
They apologize when they step on your toes
No saddle fitting problems
They seldom refuse to get into the vehicle
They don't panic - running and yelling all through the house when you
leave them alone (unless you've left the kids with them too!)
For a nominal fee, you can hire someone else to clip them
They don't like the lady next door just as well as you, just because she
fed him for 3 days straight
The Horse's Advantage:
If they don't work out you can sell them
They don't come complete with in-laws
You don't have to worry about your children looking like them
You never have to iron their saddle pads
If you get too fat for one, you can shop for a bigger one
They smell good when they sweat
You can repair their "clothes" with duct tape
It's possible to keep them from "jumping the fence" ...
You can force them to stay in good physical condition ... with a whip if
necessary
They don't want their turn at the computer
They may turn white with age, but never go bald
They have never heard of PMS
They learn to accept restraint
They don't care what you look like as long as you have a carrot or an
apple
Feeding a husband doesn't require anything that even mildly compares
with the hassle of putting up hay
A lame husband can still work
A husband with a bellyache doesn't have to be walked
Husbands don't try to scratch their heads on your back
They are better able to understand puns
If they are playing hard to catch, you **may** be able to run them down
on foot
They know their name
They usually pay their own bills
They apologize when they step on your toes
No saddle fitting problems
They seldom refuse to get into the vehicle
They don't panic - running and yelling all through the house when you
leave them alone (unless you've left the kids with them too!)
For a nominal fee, you can hire someone else to clip them
They don't like the lady next door just as well as you, just because she
fed him for 3 days straight
The Horse's Advantage:
If they don't work out you can sell them
They don't come complete with in-laws
You don't have to worry about your children looking like them
You never have to iron their saddle pads
If you get too fat for one, you can shop for a bigger one
They smell good when they sweat
You can repair their "clothes" with duct tape
It's possible to keep them from "jumping the fence" ...
You can force them to stay in good physical condition ... with a whip if
necessary
They don't want their turn at the computer
They may turn white with age, but never go bald
They have never heard of PMS
They learn to accept restraint
They don't care what you look like as long as you have a carrot or an
apple
the difference between horses and husbands
A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up
behind him and whacked him on the head with a frying pan.
“What the hell was that for?” he asked.
“That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Mary
Lou written on it,” she replied.
“But you don’t understand,” he pleaded. “Two weeks ago when I went to
the races, Mary Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on.”
“Oh honey, I’m sorry,” she said. “I should have known there was a good
explanation.”
Three days later he was watching a ball game on TV when she walked up
and hit him in the head again, this time with the iron skillet, which knocked
him out cold. When he came to, he asked, “What was that for?” he
begged.
“Your horse called!”
behind him and whacked him on the head with a frying pan.
“What the hell was that for?” he asked.
“That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Mary
Lou written on it,” she replied.
“But you don’t understand,” he pleaded. “Two weeks ago when I went to
the races, Mary Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on.”
“Oh honey, I’m sorry,” she said. “I should have known there was a good
explanation.”
Three days later he was watching a ball game on TV when she walked up
and hit him in the head again, this time with the iron skillet, which knocked
him out cold. When he came to, he asked, “What was that for?” he
begged.
“Your horse called!”
Your horse....
All it takes to be a farrier is a strong back and a weak mind!
He won’t stand for me either, but your ad said you were a professional
Can you come back? We are home now.
Let me get my twitch before we get started.
These shoes have been on for only 12 weeks, and they are getting loose.
Sooo, when you’re finished, do I have to wait an hour before I can ride
him/her?
My horse hates men.
Yep, I put that stuff on their feet right before you got here.
Every time we turn him out he throws a shoe.
That don’t look that hard!
Isn’t it great to be outside all day?
Let me call my neighbors and their 5 kids. They have never seen a horse
shod before.
It sure is HOT!
I used to shoe, and I can tell right away if you’re doing a good job.
Do those nails hurt him?
He’s normally gentle as a kitten, but it is the first time I have had a halter
on him.
Honestly, I DO clean his feet
I haven’t ever picked up his feet, but he seems real gentle.
Can you put these shoes on good and tight so that they won’t come off?
My vet said for you to call him and he will tell you how to shoe my horse.
He kicked the last farrier just like he kicked you.
He’s never been that bad!! What did you do?
The last guy I had won’t come any more. Can you come today?
I left them out in the field because it was such a nice day.
So, how much does your chiropractor run you a month?
Sorry - that’s my cell phone. I won’t let it ring under this colt’s nose again.
He never does that for me.
My horse doesn’t kick. ...well he has never kicked before.
Are you busy TODAY?
Can you make his foot smaller?
This is the first time he has EVER lost a shoe.
Since he’s a colt, will you charge me half price?
I used to shoe my own horses, but I could never get the angles right. Do
you think you could take a little more off that back foot?
My horse is lame. You must have cut him too short.
Let me help you clear out a place to work, I’ve been meaning to get out
here and straighten up this old barn...
That’s not the way the farrier did it back where I come from.
Can you save all the hoof trimmings for my dog?
Boy, you must have a strong back to bend over all day like that.
He’s just trying to swat the flies off you.
He won’t stand for me either, but your ad said you were a professional
Can you come back? We are home now.
Let me get my twitch before we get started.
These shoes have been on for only 12 weeks, and they are getting loose.
Sooo, when you’re finished, do I have to wait an hour before I can ride
him/her?
My horse hates men.
Yep, I put that stuff on their feet right before you got here.
Every time we turn him out he throws a shoe.
That don’t look that hard!
Isn’t it great to be outside all day?
Let me call my neighbors and their 5 kids. They have never seen a horse
shod before.
It sure is HOT!
I used to shoe, and I can tell right away if you’re doing a good job.
Do those nails hurt him?
He’s normally gentle as a kitten, but it is the first time I have had a halter
on him.
Honestly, I DO clean his feet
I haven’t ever picked up his feet, but he seems real gentle.
Can you put these shoes on good and tight so that they won’t come off?
My vet said for you to call him and he will tell you how to shoe my horse.
He kicked the last farrier just like he kicked you.
He’s never been that bad!! What did you do?
The last guy I had won’t come any more. Can you come today?
I left them out in the field because it was such a nice day.
So, how much does your chiropractor run you a month?
Sorry - that’s my cell phone. I won’t let it ring under this colt’s nose again.
He never does that for me.
My horse doesn’t kick. ...well he has never kicked before.
Are you busy TODAY?
Can you make his foot smaller?
This is the first time he has EVER lost a shoe.
Since he’s a colt, will you charge me half price?
I used to shoe my own horses, but I could never get the angles right. Do
you think you could take a little more off that back foot?
My horse is lame. You must have cut him too short.
Let me help you clear out a place to work, I’ve been meaning to get out
here and straighten up this old barn...
That’s not the way the farrier did it back where I come from.
Can you save all the hoof trimmings for my dog?
Boy, you must have a strong back to bend over all day like that.
He’s just trying to swat the flies off you.
Things not to say to your farrier
You Might Be A Horse Person If...
You get frequent flyer miles without ever being on a plane
Hay twine is your solution to EVERYTHING
Your horse’s family tree is more complete than your own
You cluck to people and other animals to make them move
Your dad is concerned about you checking out the body of and flirting
with a horse instead of a guy/gal
You have favorite wheelbarrows, shovels and pitchforks
Your nice clothes are the ones without horse hair on them
Every paper you write has to do with horses
You are more interested in the trailer than the cute guy/gal standing next
to it
Your horse’s stall is cleaner than your room
Your plan your entire social life around horse pulls
The centerfold of your magazine is a horse…. And there is NO swimsuit
edition
You say whoa to the dog
Your motto is "if you have to ask you can’t afford it"
Your horse has more shoes than you do
Your boots and hat are not a fashion statement
You spend hundreds of dollars on a show for a 95 cent ribbon
Your horses legs are shaved better than your own
Hay twine is your solution to EVERYTHING
Your horse’s family tree is more complete than your own
You cluck to people and other animals to make them move
Your dad is concerned about you checking out the body of and flirting
with a horse instead of a guy/gal
You have favorite wheelbarrows, shovels and pitchforks
Your nice clothes are the ones without horse hair on them
Every paper you write has to do with horses
You are more interested in the trailer than the cute guy/gal standing next
to it
Your horse’s stall is cleaner than your room
Your plan your entire social life around horse pulls
The centerfold of your magazine is a horse…. And there is NO swimsuit
edition
You say whoa to the dog
Your motto is "if you have to ask you can’t afford it"
Your horse has more shoes than you do
Your boots and hat are not a fashion statement
You spend hundreds of dollars on a show for a 95 cent ribbon
Your horses legs are shaved better than your own
One day a man passed by a farm and saw a beautiful horse. Hoping to
buy the animal, he said to the farmer: "I think your horse looks pretty
good, so I'll give you $500 for him." "He doesn't look so good, and he's
not for sale," the farmer said. The man insisted, "I think he looks just fine
and I'll up the price to $1,000." "He doesn't look so good," the farmer
said, "but if you want him that much, he's yours." The next day the man
came back raging mad. He went up to the farmer and screamed, "You
sold me a blind horse. You cheated me!" The farmer calmly replied, "I
told you he didn't look so good, didn't I?"
buy the animal, he said to the farmer: "I think your horse looks pretty
good, so I'll give you $500 for him." "He doesn't look so good, and he's
not for sale," the farmer said. The man insisted, "I think he looks just fine
and I'll up the price to $1,000." "He doesn't look so good," the farmer
said, "but if you want him that much, he's yours." The next day the man
came back raging mad. He went up to the farmer and screamed, "You
sold me a blind horse. You cheated me!" The farmer calmly replied, "I
told you he didn't look so good, didn't I?"
that painted my horse yellow?" There was silence in the saloon. 'Fess up
if you dare," shouted the cowboy. With that, the biggest,
meanest-looking hombre he had ever seen got up from one of the
tables, rested his hands on his gun handles and coolly stated, "I did,
whaddaya want to tell me?"
The cowboy looked up and down at this terrifying figure, swallowed hard
and replied, "Just thought you'd like know, the first coat's dry!"
if you dare," shouted the cowboy. With that, the biggest,
meanest-looking hombre he had ever seen got up from one of the
tables, rested his hands on his gun handles and coolly stated, "I did,
whaddaya want to tell me?"
The cowboy looked up and down at this terrifying figure, swallowed hard
and replied, "Just thought you'd like know, the first coat's dry!"
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