| The Joke Page page 4 |
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| If you have a joke and would like to submit it, please send to sksagp@metrocast.net. |
| We do not claim to have written these jokes. They have been taken from the emails that have been sent to us. |
| Top Ten Old West Phrases that will never be the Same after that Gay Cowboy Movie |
10. "I'm gonna pump you full of lead!"
9. "Give me a stiff one, barkeep!"
8. "Don't fret - I've been in tight spots before."
7. :Howdy, Partner."
6. "You stay here while I sneak around from behind."
5. Two words: "Saddle Sore."
4. "Hold it right there! Now, move your hand, reeeal slow-like."
3. "Let's mount up!"
2. "Nice spread ya got here."
And the number one Old West phrase that will never sound the same.....
"Ride'em Cowboy!"
9. "Give me a stiff one, barkeep!"
8. "Don't fret - I've been in tight spots before."
7. :Howdy, Partner."
6. "You stay here while I sneak around from behind."
5. Two words: "Saddle Sore."
4. "Hold it right there! Now, move your hand, reeeal slow-like."
3. "Let's mount up!"
2. "Nice spread ya got here."
And the number one Old West phrase that will never sound the same.....
"Ride'em Cowboy!"
Memo to Horses:
--When your stall is being cleaned, please don't go through the
wheelbarrow
& take out bits of wet, dirty hay. You have nice clean hay to eat & no
matter
how precious that stuff is to you, it's got to go.
--No matter how entertaining it may be to a horse to knock over a full
wheelbarrow & then watch the resulting swearing & re-filling, it is NOT
considered entertainment by the human.
--Jumping out into the barn aisle over the wheelbarrow will NOT get
you an audition for the USET. I don't care how tightly you can fold your
knees, this is not the time or the place.
--It is not necessary to hide your manure so I have to sift through every
inch of bedding in search of buried treasure. You're not a cat & your stall
is not
a giant litter box.
--By the same token, the water bucket is not a commode, and the
automatic waterer
does not flush. Are we clear on that?
--The "lah-di-dah" attitude, "Drop it anywhere, I have a maid who comes
in & takes
care of that," is not helpful.
--Neat freaks who manure only in one corner of the stall will get extra
grooming
time & treats.
--There will be no more unauthorized barn parties after lights out.
When I come in, in the morning and find bleary-eyed horses, straw all
over the aisle, manure half-way up the walls and even the rats have
hangovers,
do you think I don't know what went on last night?
Please take this memo to heart, or learn how to clean up your own rooms!
The Management
--When your stall is being cleaned, please don't go through the
wheelbarrow
& take out bits of wet, dirty hay. You have nice clean hay to eat & no
matter
how precious that stuff is to you, it's got to go.
--No matter how entertaining it may be to a horse to knock over a full
wheelbarrow & then watch the resulting swearing & re-filling, it is NOT
considered entertainment by the human.
--Jumping out into the barn aisle over the wheelbarrow will NOT get
you an audition for the USET. I don't care how tightly you can fold your
knees, this is not the time or the place.
--It is not necessary to hide your manure so I have to sift through every
inch of bedding in search of buried treasure. You're not a cat & your stall
is not
a giant litter box.
--By the same token, the water bucket is not a commode, and the
automatic waterer
does not flush. Are we clear on that?
--The "lah-di-dah" attitude, "Drop it anywhere, I have a maid who comes
in & takes
care of that," is not helpful.
--Neat freaks who manure only in one corner of the stall will get extra
grooming
time & treats.
--There will be no more unauthorized barn parties after lights out.
When I come in, in the morning and find bleary-eyed horses, straw all
over the aisle, manure half-way up the walls and even the rats have
hangovers,
do you think I don't know what went on last night?
Please take this memo to heart, or learn how to clean up your own rooms!
The Management
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~Laughs from the 'Net~
How to Interpret Classified Horse Ads
BIG MOVER: Can't canter within a two-mile straight-away
NICELY STARTED: Attended a "natural horsemanship clinic," but we
don't have enough insurance to ride him yet, especially outside the
round pen.
TOP COMPETITOR: Won a second place 5 years ago at a show with
unusually low entries due to tornado warnings.
HOME BRED: Knows nothing despite being raised on the back porch.
BIG BONED: Good thing he has a mane and tail or he would be
mistaken for a cow.
NO VICES: Especially when he wears his muzzle (and when in the
round pen).
BOLD & SPIRITED: Runaway.
GOOD MOVER: Runaway.
NEEDS INTERMEDIATE RIDER: Runaway.
ATHLETIC: Runaway (but looks good doing it).
SHOULD MATURE 17 HANDS: Currently 15 hands; dam is 15.2, sire is
15.3, but will defy his DNA.
WELL MANNERED: Hasn't stepped on, run over, bitten, or kicked
anyone since our twelve-year-old neighbor, who we paid to ride him,
quit.
RECENTLY VETTED: Someone else found something really wrong
with him during soundness exam.
TO GOOD HOME ONLY: Not really for sale unless you can: 1) pay
twice what he's worth; 2) are willing to sign a 10-page legal document
of release; and 3) allow current owner to tuck in beddy-bye every night.
LIGHT CRIBBER: We can't afford to build any more fences and barns
for this buzz saw.
EXCELLENT DISPOSITION: Never been out of the stall (or the round
pen) and never had any pressure of any kind on him.
CLIPS, HAULS, LOADS: Clippity-clippity is the sound his hooves make
as he hauls butt across the parking lot when you try to load him.
How to Interpret Classified Horse Ads
BIG MOVER: Can't canter within a two-mile straight-away
NICELY STARTED: Attended a "natural horsemanship clinic," but we
don't have enough insurance to ride him yet, especially outside the
round pen.
TOP COMPETITOR: Won a second place 5 years ago at a show with
unusually low entries due to tornado warnings.
HOME BRED: Knows nothing despite being raised on the back porch.
BIG BONED: Good thing he has a mane and tail or he would be
mistaken for a cow.
NO VICES: Especially when he wears his muzzle (and when in the
round pen).
BOLD & SPIRITED: Runaway.
GOOD MOVER: Runaway.
NEEDS INTERMEDIATE RIDER: Runaway.
ATHLETIC: Runaway (but looks good doing it).
SHOULD MATURE 17 HANDS: Currently 15 hands; dam is 15.2, sire is
15.3, but will defy his DNA.
WELL MANNERED: Hasn't stepped on, run over, bitten, or kicked
anyone since our twelve-year-old neighbor, who we paid to ride him,
quit.
RECENTLY VETTED: Someone else found something really wrong
with him during soundness exam.
TO GOOD HOME ONLY: Not really for sale unless you can: 1) pay
twice what he's worth; 2) are willing to sign a 10-page legal document
of release; and 3) allow current owner to tuck in beddy-bye every night.
LIGHT CRIBBER: We can't afford to build any more fences and barns
for this buzz saw.
EXCELLENT DISPOSITION: Never been out of the stall (or the round
pen) and never had any pressure of any kind on him.
CLIPS, HAULS, LOADS: Clippity-clippity is the sound his hooves make
as he hauls butt across the parking lot when you try to load him.